Cat Jokes

The Daily Struggles of a Fat Cat



 When you're on a diet but your friend isn't 

When you make the pet pig look skinny

When you get caught in tight situations on the daily

When you can't button up your favorite cardigan after family dinner 

When your extra chin prevents you from being able to climb on stuff

When the door frame follows you around

When your scratching post can't handle the extra winter weight​

When someone suggests diet cat food

When you have to deal with those fat shaming posters at the vet's office

A group of grown cats is called a “clowder

The average pregnacy of a cat is 63-66 days.

A cat’s nose pad is ridged with a unique pattern, just like the fingerprint of a human

The Cat and The Husband


A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he arrived home, the cat was walking up the driveway.


The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!


He kept taking the cat further and further, and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.


Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"


"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"


Frustrated, the man answered, "Put the little bastard on the phone, I'm lost and need directions."

O kitty you're so fine 🐱 you're so fine you blow my mind... 

Cats spend nearly 1/3 of their waking hours cleaning themselves

At birth, kittens can't see or hear.   Kittens open their eyes between 4 - 7 days old and begin to develop their eyesight and hearing at approximately 2 weeks.